I don't really like all this introspective journaling stuff. I think it makes me focus on my present feelings way too much, feelings that could change with the minute. A sad post may not resonate in the slightest anymore after a few days.
The only thing that introspective journaling does (to me) is dramatise what I'm feeling and make it seem like a really big thing and the end of the world, which works against me.
I guess I'm really a "everything or nothing" type of person. This is the same with emotions too, which is why I either fall into 'dramatising emotions, it’s the end of the world, nothing makes me happy and my life is futile' or 'I love life and it’s ups and downs' .
You may say my feelings in the moment are valid, and sure, you may be right, but they’re not accurate for me as a person, nor are they fixed never changing emotions. They change by my environment, my passive outside influence, and my own feelings.
That's why my diary entries are also very short. They're more to serve as memory keeping instead of.. analysing my day. If I didn't feel good that day, I'd prefer to not analyse it and not re-experience it in detail. For a positive happy day too because I give the false impression that I feel amazing, I'm going up, I'm improving and healing when.. The next day I might just as well be as suicidal as ever.
When talking about my day I like talking about it factually. Detached from it. Just writing down my experiences and only the good ones, because I tend to hyperfixate on either the good or the bad, so why not grant myself the good?
I find myself browsing so many neocities accounts, wishing for an account to have the exact type of information and be the exact type of blog I love and wanna see. Then I realised that.. searching for something I can relate to is not helpful, when i have the option to write it myself! I'll make my blog the type of blog that I would want to read. I want it to be packed with information about academics, literature, and my life in extensive detail because that's exactly what I search for in other blogs.
I don't want to be at that point in blogging where I only read stuff (books, articles etc) just to add it to my website and look "intellectual". I strive for everything that is on this website and that will come on this website to be because I wanted it.
Just a heads up, if I ever stop updating this website, assume I am dead. I always update this website, even the smallest changes I log on my update log, so if I'm radio silent for more than months.. Pray that I'm resting in peace.
I follow a lot of people on Neocities and comment on a lot of people's websites, and I hope they don't think than they're then obliged to follow me or do the same .. This isn't like social media, there is no pressure to follow just because the other followed. I follow blogs that look interesting and want to be updated to, I comment because I talk a lot and I love talking. It's just that. I expect nothing in return.